Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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