you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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