I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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