I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
