Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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