why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
