The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
