Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
