I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
