yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
