You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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