Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
