u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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