what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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