just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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