so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
