Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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