He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
