Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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