White coat. Heels.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
