I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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