Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
