Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
