I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
