he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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