It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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