so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
