ya dads aren't the best wingmen
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I AM VODKA MAN
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize