Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I know her cup size but not her name....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
