Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The uberlube is also flammable
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
