This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
