Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
