I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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