omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
