If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The adults are the big ones right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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