we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize