Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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