I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
