I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we're making bets on your personal life
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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