she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
