This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
