the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My underwear smells like fireworks.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
