summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
