It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
