I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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