watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
