I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
