So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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