I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
