Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
