Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
