Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
