i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
