i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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