I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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