I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
