cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
