So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
