Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
