I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
