If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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