I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
