She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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