meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
