Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
