Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
