when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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