I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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