Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
