is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
